Decoding Education
Decoding Education
What does "success" really mean?
What happens when we complicate our definition of success with metrics other than dollars and points? What might life look like if we prioritized meaning, community, and joy?
On this episode:
- The importance of community in Ms. Nan's upbringing
- Redefining success for a new era
- Nurturing lifelong learners
- The difference between coddling and nurturing
Decoding Education is the podcast that brings together research, experience, and community voices to answer your burning questions about preschool through grade eight education. Brought to you by Cedar Hill Preparatory School in Somerset, New Jersey.
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Tori Marchiony:
Hello and welcome to another episode of Decoding Education from Cedar Hill Preparatory School in Somerset, New Jersey, the podcast that brings together research, experience, and community voices to answer your burning questions about preschool through grade eight education. I'm Tori Marchiony Marchiony, a content producer who is fascinated by all things education. I came up through a top ranking public school system where I earned an IB diploma before getting a bachelor's at a public university.
Ahead, you'll hear a conversation between myself and Cedar Hill Prep’s brilliant founder, Nandini Menon, who is nearly finished earning her Ed.D in education. Specifically, mind, brain, and teaching from Johns Hopkins University. So I bring a lot of curiosity and enthusiasm while she brings the real expertise.
Nandini Menon:
For a child to become successful in life, it's all about the partnership between the families, the schools, and the administration. I come from a small ethnic state in India which luckily did not suffer through the invasions, because of the mountains. So we have 500 year old ancestral houses still in place that we maintain with a foundation. These are 30 bedroom houses, where my mother was born, her mother was. Well, we are spread all over the world, we are about 1500 that we are all still in touch with. But what we learned from that is that underlying rule, that is a mindset. You can either reduce your world to be very small, or open your arms and have the whole world as one big family. That's what we are.
When you have a community, when you have people sharing responsibility, do you know what a lovely feeling that is? For a mom and dad who work all day, but they have an extended family they can reach out to some- you know, whether it is their siblings, granddads, grand uncles, when you- when it takes a village, the whole village is helping each other cope. Today, coping is such a problem that I see more people in distress than happy. We have more people trying to live this pretentious life thinking, if they have all the bling bling and the baubles, they're not lonely anymore, that they have arrived in life. So I think they're going through a transition in this world.
And I think COVID changed some of it. I have heard so many families who have, since COVID, said they realize they were on a wrong track. That they have realized they need to focus more on family, they need to focus on simple living, you know. Everybody is doing a lot of soul searching. And now they're realizing they can be happy with a lot less. And is every child going to be a CEO? Honestly, what makes you think a CEO is so happy in life? Or do you want to be a happy person? What if you realize that the way you visualize and the way you see the world is magical. The other person, yeah, can churn all the numbers. But that number churner needs your creative mind to make the third person see it all.
So symbiotic living is a very important paradigm. Like I need you Tori Marchiony, you need me, we need other people in our life. But by holding each other's hand, together we shall go up. If we can start thinking that and create small communities, it will have a ripple effect. And we will eventually be a much happier society.
Tori Marchiony:
What you just described is such a thoughtful, mindful, emotional, human approach to defining success. Because mixed into all of that is excellence, and high standards, and doing everything that you can to make sure that a child is reaching their fullest potential, but not having the judgment around what the right answer has to be.
Ms. Nan:
100%. So I'd like to segue into that. Success should be a byproduct, not the end goal. And again, success is different for everybody. For me, success is very simple. Having food on the table, knowing I can take care of my mother who is 91. My father's no more, but as long as he lived I felt my duty was to make sure they were comfortable.
So those are the qualities that we have instilled in our only son. That life is not more about living in a big house, having a fancy car, it's about the impact to society. It's about spreading happiness. If you can be helpful in society, don't be this person [who] was the burr in everybody's life. And when we make that the end all for a child, they're able to celebrate every milestone. So every victory is a victory. Every hurdle is not a knock on their being incapable, but saying, “Hmm, how do I handle this challenge?” So let's make our challenges for our children smaller, easier, so that they start reaching out for bigger challenges, knowing that the parent is their security blanket. Here we have this big blanket and with our arms wide open, telling them, “We are here, the safety net! Fall back, we'll get you back to feel good about yourself to try again.” So that's what I describe as healthy parenting.
Tori Marchiony:
I'm thinking so much now about the difference between nurturing and coddling? Because I think that a lot of times we get the two confused.
Ms. Nan:
Coddling, or gaming the system? Are we teaching the right values? Are we teaching our children that hard work pays? Meaning, not pays as in monetarily, but that hard work translates to success? Or are we telling our children, “You can pay someone to get admission somewhere?” Tomorrow? Would you like them to pay to take care of you? Because the idea of outsourcing and using somebody else came- germinated at the house. Children watch you and learn from you. If you value other humans, they will value other humans. If you think there is no value in anybody else, and the value is in where they got their degree, or what position the other person held, you are letting your child miss so many life lessons from every person next to them.
I learn from everybody I see. I cannot be a waitress. The person who runs the restaurant will fire me because I can't balance a lot of things in my hand. The children tried teaching me Minecraft. They kicked me out after the second trial because I'm not as fast as them. But I admit what I'm good at and what I'm not. Teaching and parenting is a humbling experience. We have to be humble. We have to be ready to realize it's learning for all of us.
Tori Marchiony:
Thank you so much, Ms. Nan, and thank you audience for listening. Be sure to tune in next time. If you're considering private education for your child, your next step is finding the school that's the best fit for their specific needs. And the best way to do that is to get on campus for a tour. Cedar Hill Prep is currently enrolling for the 23-24 academic school year, so be sure to check out the link in our description to sign up for an open house or call 732-356-5400 to book a private campus tour with CHP’s admissions director Donna. We can't wait to meet you. Until next time, this has been Decoding Education from Cedar Hill Prep School. Thanks for listening.